Gav, Churchie and The Lions

                                                            I'll tell you a story - I won't tell a lie -
                                                            of a hapless young couple in the media eye.
                                                            It will make you wince; may make you cry.
                                                                    (It's really great to speculate).

                                                            She was a child with a golden voice.
                                                            Now you wouldn't listen for choice,
                                                            especially when she screams full force.
                                                                    (Sad to state, we can't sedate).

                                                            His name for himself was 'silver boots' -
                                                            no wonder, when so long he shoots
                                                            the ball. He's a man of long-shot routes.
                                                                    (The fourth estate did celebrate).

                                                            They say they're the new Posh and Becks
                                                            so it's just the papers' normal reflex
                                                            to fill the columns with fun and sex.
                                                                    (They'd have a date, then copulate).

                                                            Then came the call to go Down Under
                                                            to join in with The Lion's thunder,
                                                            but the kittens they were torn asunder.
                                                                    (In triplicate: I don't exaggerate).

                                                            And Gav he hardly played at all,
                                                            so Churchie gave this strident call:
                                                            'Come on Woodie, give him the ball!'
                                                                    (Hensongate: it caused debate).

                                                            I'd say it was all that Campbell's fault
                                                            that The Lions failed in their assault;
                                                            that the prize is not now in their vault.
                                                                    (It's really great to speculate).