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It's only a game

                                 The bowlers bowled like Lucifers in Lords,
                                 but our batsmen just had to go and fall on their swords
                                 when McGrath gave a warning and Warnie McGra'd
                                 and a brett name of Brat Lee bounced really quite hard.
                                 The in-laws from Oz stroked their keyboard and purred
                                 - gloated would be the more accurate word.
                                 We tried to explain it was only a game,
                                 but the men from Down Under were quite glad they came.

                                 Then it was off to the Midlands to play on that pitch
                                 where the Windies put the wind up and made England twitch.
                                 But that was the nineties, now with no trouble at all
                                 Freddie Flintoffed with both bat and and with ball.
                                 Now the airwaves from Perth were still as the grave
                                 although their tail-enders played full well and brave.
                                 They might say it was only a game:
                                 they would when the Oz star is fast on the wane.

                                 Third Test and KP dropped catches like he was on the wrong side,
                                 and Hoggie-Hoggie-Hoggie bowled wide-wide-wide.
                                 Tricky Ricky played his 'Get Out of Jail Free';
                                 the Army went barmy when Harmie struck he.
                                 It's one thing to be sledged by electronic mail
                                 but a rain-dance in Perth was beyond the pale.
                                 You might say that 'it's only a game',
                                 but surely they should do something to cancel that rain.

                                 No balls at Nottingham brought no joy for Oz
                                 and the boys followed on, and all just because
                                 for once the Fair Warnie didn't find enough spin.
                                 though even Hoggie-Hoggie got swing-swing-swing.
                                 The e-mails blamed Ricky; the newspapers too
                                 but there's only so much that a captain can do.
                                 It's got to be wrong to call it a game:
                                 a three-inch thick catheter wouldn't cause so much pain.

                                 Last Test at The Oval, the series two-one.
                                 KP swung his bat and The Ashes were won.
                                 The weather was the feather in the England caps:
                                 (it's no good wearing sunnies, you Australian chaps).
                                 That rain-dance in Perth must have worked late -
                                 not too much cricket but we thought it was great.
                                 How can they say that it's only a game?
                                 'The promised land' would be a more appropriate name.

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